I'm Back...Am I? I hope so

Two years.

Two years since I have posted to this blog.

Two years since I've made a real effort to write anything.

 

Why?

 

 Life.

 

Is that an excuse? Of course not, but it's what I used for two years.

Since I last posted to this blog on 1st February 2012 a few life upheavals have occurred:

1.       I met my soul mate
2.       I married the soul mate mentioned above

Now that may only be two things, but they among other things have been taking up my time. That and I have been blocked like you wouldn’t believe. I had trouble writing letters let alone writing books.

2013 was my year for change, my year for healing and focusing on being the best wife I could be.

2014 is also going to be a massive year of change, but I feel more settled now.

I also gave something up last year that has freed up more of my mind than I expected. I gave up my book blog StoryWings. After 4 years, I’d had enough. It was no longer fun for me and since giving it up I have relaxed quite a bit.

My goal for this year is to write…something.

Whether that be once again tackling Practically Dead or giving in to my new ideas about Escaping Destiny.

My first goal of the year is to organise my stuff.

All of the bits of paper that have ideas on them and the random ideas I have floating around in my head I plan to put in a binder.

The next is to re-familiarise myself with Practically Dead…because after not looking at it for two years, it would be dumb to try and pick up where I left off. I then want to try a more structured form of writing, in that I am planning to plot the time line before I go any further, because at this stage, I know the final chapter, and even the beginning of the next book. But I don’t know the details of the middle of this one…which is pretty pointless.

I also need to find a way to fit my writing into my life now. Which is a surprisingly hard thing to do when you want to devote all your time to the person you live with.

I made a New Years resolution this year.

That resolution: To  write

Distractions

So yes, I have not done anything in relation to practically dead for ages. I am once again at a block, doubts and all that jazz setting in.

I did however start a new short story last night based around an encounter I had on Saturday.

Lately I have been finding myself completely incapable of focusing on anything. I am trying to start blogging again, I have been reading a lot but everything else seems to be jumping from one thing to another to another.

Even just now, I am simultaneously writing this blog post, preparing a review googling distractions, wondering if I have ADD, thinking about doing a tarot reading and thinking about what else to put in my journal, craving both a bagel and cheerios and all the while feeling like I am about to jump out of my skin.

I also can't wait for winter so I can start crocheting again.

I think I need a zumba session and a shower...but something more long term would be great.

I wrote..

...a paragraph...

That's right and entire paragraph of Practically Dead got written tonight.

Wow.

On that note I decided to got to bed, then I got up again half an hour later and wrote three pages of As It Happened (formerly Guide Me) because of something that has been bothering me for months.

Needless to say, I feel much better now, a weight has definitely been lifted.

I love that writing can take away a pain that seems so deeply embedded that you'll never be able to forget it, and as soon as the words are on the pages it's like they're being written out of you. No longer there, no longer a problem. Sure it's still painful, but it's bearable now.

New plans for the new year

Ok so Christmas break, as you know was a bust for me. No writing, no marathon, no word count.

I am now back at work and I feel quite a bit better being in a routine again. I now have 3 diaries that I am simultaneously using to keep track of everything I want to do.

The first one is my tarot journal. I am trying to do a reading every day and I write the outcomes and meanings in there. The second one is my newest jot journal. Basically a place for ideas, poems, sayings and other stuff, I was using my purple diary for that but I think I am getting a bit past that one.

The third journal is my checklist for the day (I love checklists) although I may not DO everything I want to each day, at least it written there for me to see and be reminded of.

One of my daily things to do is "write 500 words". That's it, 500 words, back to basics. NaNoWriMo proved to me that I can write over 1,000 words a day nearly 2,000 when I get on a roll but that was while I was neglecting everything else I want to do.

Once I get back into a rhythm again I will aim higher, but I lost my rhythm in November and now I need to get it back. I have realised that I have become a bit lax about everything, blogging, writing, hobbies in general. I need to put a little more effort in than what I have been - now I know what you're thinking, "but hobbies are supposed to be fun" - problem is, I'm too fricken lazy to be bothered doing anything. I can easily waste 3 hours playing on castleville even though I have nothing to do, or I'll get on a Gossip Girl craze and start reading every wikipedia article ever written, procrastination is not just my friend, it's my secret lover.

So I am now making a list of everything I want to do each day and I am finding (two days in) that it's working so far. I even wrote tonight :D

I wrote 600 words in half an hour tonight :D I am so proud of myself, I am also really proud because I have finally finished chapter 11, it has been the hardest chapter so far because it is the point where Rachel (the main) gets turned, a lot of ceremony and speeches and other stuff, and some really cool gory stuff as well which I am really proud of.

I will say one thing that I have noticed, I am not good at writing dialogue. When I finish my accounting studies, I plan to take a writing course or two to try and fix some of my bad habits. I use common words, rarely write dialogue and if I do it's either really good or horribly awkward, there's no in between. I am not sure what my plot, continuation or grammar is like, that will be my job in the edits (God, I'm talking about edits and I'm only 11 chapters in to writing the bloody thing) - that's another thing I have to stop, I need to focus on actually writing the book.


Tip of the day: Focus on writing the book not finishing the book. Preparing your speeches about how you wrote the book are never going to eventuate if you don't actually write it!

So, enough of my rambling, I have some other things to work on tonight before I go to bed.

Current Project: Practically Dead
Daily Word Count: 606
Total Count: 24,484
Days writing streak: 1

I'm not blocked....just burnt out

Just a quick update, no I didn't finish NaNoWriMo, my final word count was approx. 22,000 words. which considering the history of my writing as played out through this blog, is pretty good.

If you read StoryWings, you will know I am currently feeling burnt out. This is transcending to my writing as well, which really really sucks.

I am just going to put it out there even though you probably already know this, but writing is really, really hard. Poetry for me is easy, it's my soul - literally - on a page, but novels? Come on who are we kidding here?

The only motivation we have to keep going when we write is that we might someday get to the point after years of hard work and slaving and NOT getting paid for it on our own time pushing everyone else away, that we just might get the chance for someone who probably doesn't know how freaking hard it is to judge our work on the first 10 pages and decide whether it is good enough to pass on to someone else for them to decide if it's good enough only to be passed on and on and so on and so forth.

Do I smell a masochist?

Writing is a lonely freaking process, there's no one to cheer you on, there's no one to give you a raise and tell you how good you're doing, sure you get coffee breaks...but it's your own freaking coffee and not someone else's that your drinking, so if it's crap you only have yourself (or your mum, whatever) to blame.

As you can probably tell, I am really, really, bone dead tired right now. I am funnily enough actually feeling quite generally happy, but I am just so tired.

I was hoping to do a writing marathon over this Christmas/New Year period, but I really don't know how that's going to go considering how it's started...with this post.

My usual process is to just keep pushing and pushing until you get to where you want to be, right now it doesn't matter if I'm tired, if I push now and get these books written I'll be laughing in a couple of years - rejection isn't really an option for me at the moment, I need pep - If I push now and finish tech I'll get to continue laughing at all my class mates who called me a nerd but who are all currently working dead end jobs while I flesh out a career which I am hoping to be able to give away anyway when I become an awesome writer.

But right now I'm tired...hopefully tomorrow I will feel better, I will update if that in someone miraculously happens.

It's times like these where I really wish I didn't have as high a tolerance for alcohol as what I do, then I could get roaring drunk on some bulk spirits and only have to worry about a headache in the morning instead of millions of blank pages and me not doing anything about filling them.

NaNoWriMo: Day 15

So on Sunday....I wrote 5,000 words!!!

I found a new technique too in doing it. I can write about 750 words in half an hour if the story is going at a normal pace. So now I am trying to write in 750 word blocks for my daily goal as well.

750 words in half an hour, get up take a walk, come back for the next 750. It takes the pressure off for me at the daunting fact of writing 1,666 words in one sitting. even though I can do it, that kind of pressure isn't healthy I don't reckon.

I have also had a new idea for a story, when the hell I'm going to get around to writing it at this stage is beyond me, but I will write it down after I finish my nano for today and file it away for later.

Hopefully I will write it soon because it is kind of relevant to now.

In other news, I don't know exactly what December holds for me as yet.

I have been neglecting my blog over the last couple of weeks to write in NaNoWriMo which I am extremely proud of myself for doing, but I also have responsibilities to adhere to, review books, BLI etc.

So December may be a reading month once again, that will allow me to hopefully catch up on some of my e-books and reviewing, then January I will go back to writing and blogging at the same time.

I have realised though that Sunday is a great writing day for me...5,000 words attests to that too.

So I am off for the days haul, and yesterdays because I was sick last night. I am feeling better today but I'm not back at work yet, there will be naps involved in todays writing session.

NaNoWriMo: Day 13

So yeah I haven't posted in a while...

But I have been writing! My current wordcount stands at approx. 15,000. Which I reckon is awesome. I am starting to move into the guts of the story and it's becoming more interesting for me to write. The setup is finished, the premise is done and now I get to kill my character off and make her a vampire :D

Now for day 13 15,000 words is behind schedule. I should be hovering around 21,000.

6,000 words in a day? Well, for that I am going to need bribery!

In this packet there are 12 squares. That's one square for every 500 words but who likes the number 500 in Nanowrimo, so I am going to get one square for every 750 words. That means I will be able to eat as I go and not get bored trying to up word count for chocolate.

This way I have a slim chance of getting ahead!

Wish me luck!