I'm not blocked....just burnt out

Just a quick update, no I didn't finish NaNoWriMo, my final word count was approx. 22,000 words. which considering the history of my writing as played out through this blog, is pretty good.

If you read StoryWings, you will know I am currently feeling burnt out. This is transcending to my writing as well, which really really sucks.

I am just going to put it out there even though you probably already know this, but writing is really, really hard. Poetry for me is easy, it's my soul - literally - on a page, but novels? Come on who are we kidding here?

The only motivation we have to keep going when we write is that we might someday get to the point after years of hard work and slaving and NOT getting paid for it on our own time pushing everyone else away, that we just might get the chance for someone who probably doesn't know how freaking hard it is to judge our work on the first 10 pages and decide whether it is good enough to pass on to someone else for them to decide if it's good enough only to be passed on and on and so on and so forth.

Do I smell a masochist?

Writing is a lonely freaking process, there's no one to cheer you on, there's no one to give you a raise and tell you how good you're doing, sure you get coffee breaks...but it's your own freaking coffee and not someone else's that your drinking, so if it's crap you only have yourself (or your mum, whatever) to blame.

As you can probably tell, I am really, really, bone dead tired right now. I am funnily enough actually feeling quite generally happy, but I am just so tired.

I was hoping to do a writing marathon over this Christmas/New Year period, but I really don't know how that's going to go considering how it's started...with this post.

My usual process is to just keep pushing and pushing until you get to where you want to be, right now it doesn't matter if I'm tired, if I push now and get these books written I'll be laughing in a couple of years - rejection isn't really an option for me at the moment, I need pep - If I push now and finish tech I'll get to continue laughing at all my class mates who called me a nerd but who are all currently working dead end jobs while I flesh out a career which I am hoping to be able to give away anyway when I become an awesome writer.

But right now I'm tired...hopefully tomorrow I will feel better, I will update if that in someone miraculously happens.

It's times like these where I really wish I didn't have as high a tolerance for alcohol as what I do, then I could get roaring drunk on some bulk spirits and only have to worry about a headache in the morning instead of millions of blank pages and me not doing anything about filling them.